Coyote and Roadrunner: Turning Tables
by Neoraichu
Summary: After 20 years, the Roadrunner is SICK OF BIRD SEED!
1. Chapter 1

Coyote and Roadrunner:

Turning Tables

by Neoraichu

Wile E Coyote and Beep Beep the Roadrunner are properties of Warner Brothers, and the author takes no credit for them whatsoever. Really.

...

The cartoon beings as the Roadrunner races down the road. The action pauses as the words

**ROADRUNNER (OHMYGAWDUS SPEEDIUS)**

appear beneath him.

He zips off screen as the coyote chasing him comes onto the screen wearing a white bib and holding a knife and fork. The action pauses as the words

**COYOTE (GLUTINOUS MORONICUS)**

appear beneath him. The coyote looks down at the subtitle, and signs 'REALLY?'

A giant pencil comes into the shot eraser first. and erases the second line (in parenthesis). The eraser is removed, and the writing end appears, rewording the line so it now reads:

**COYOTE (CAVERNOUS STOMACHUS) – better?**

The coyote looks down again, and signs 'Better'.

The chase resumes as the Roadrunner takes off down the road, leaving a blazing trail and a stupefied coyote behind him. He stops running, drops the knife and fork, and then his jaw to the pavement. Taking his jaw in his hands, he puts it back up to his muzzle, and proceeds to scratch his chin.

=sproing sound effect, light bulb over coyote's head (Yes, it's still a 30 watt incandescent)=

The scene switches to one where the coyote is back in his cave pouring over a blueprint. Birdseed, scales, match, fuse, dynamite, cinder block, scissors, rope, guillotine, watermelon, basket, teeter totter, bowling ball, tin roof gutter, bowling pins, button, light bulb, moth on a string, really small rock, really small button, power cord, massive electromagnet, ocean liner, X painted under birdseed. All the components come together to form a Rube Goldberg device, with massive complexity for a simple outcome. Such understated elegance. What could possibly go wrong?

The scene changes yet again to an open stretch of road. A bowl of bird seed sets on one side of a giant set of scales in the lowered position sitting over a giant red X painted on the road. The coyote watches from behind a rock to see the results of his great scheme.

The roadrunner zips up to the bowl, looks around at the birdseed, zips over to the coyote hiding behind the rocks and viciously pecks him on the head repeatedly.

The coyote sign, 'WHAT?'

The roadrunner signs, '20 years of bird seed and you ask "WHAT?"'

'So?'

'Roadrunners are OMNIVORES!'

'Omnivore?'

'We eat plants, fruits, seeds and MEAT!'

'Gulp'

'EVERY TIME, THE SAME OLD BIRD SEED!'

'No need to get testy'. Another sign 'I buy that stuff by the ton'. Another sign 'Huge bulk discounts'.

'Hey Coyote'

'What?'

'YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE MEAT!' The roadrunner's eyes turn red.

As the Coyote runs, he signs 'You can't do this!' another sign 'I'm above you on the FOOD CHAIN!'

The roadrunner signs back, 'I've never studied ECOLOGY!'

'Mommy!' The coyote looks at the screen nervously. =ZIP!= The Coyote disappears in a cloud of dust. =ZIP!= The Roadrunner disappears in a cloud of dust chasing the Coyote.

The coyote races across a red clay plains towards the sunset as the roadrunner slowly gains on him with a white bib around his neck.

**THE END?**


	2. Chapter 2

Coyote and Roadrunner:

Turning Tables Pt 2

by Neoraichu

Wile E Coyote and Beep Beep the Roadrunner are properties of Warner Brothers, and the author takes no credit for them whatsoever. Really.

...

Wile E. Coyote had been rather nervous since the Roadrunner declared his intentions to eat him. After all, he wasn't used to being on the other end of the chase. He always felt his 'role' was to be the hunter and not the hunted. It didn't even bother him much that most of his schemes failed in a spectacular fashion, nor did it bother him that he owed so much to the ACME Corporation for all of those toys that failed to produce the desired results.

Fortunately, he was too stubborn to even consider giving up on his dream of a Roadrunner meal. So he went to his shed to check up on his supplies: 666 pounds of generic bird seed, 196 yards of hemp rope, 130 pounds of finishing nails, 40 yards of cedar 2 by 4s, 50 yards of chicken wire fencing, a dozen railroad spikes, several sledge hammers, a couple of shovels, a couple of picks, a few oak barrels, and the ACME Catalog.

He wondered what he could do with all that.

In the corner was the phone he used to place his orders. The only thing he could ever remember using it for was to place orders to the ACME Corporation. He always wondered how the phone transmitted his sign language statements.

He stepped out of his shed in time to notice a shadow cast on the ground larger than himself. Looking up, he noticed that there was a huge boulder screaming down towards him. Feeling lucky, he took several steps forward in time to hear the rock crunch into the ground just behind him. Glancing up again, he was fairly sure he caught a glimpse of the Roadrunner vanishing over the cliff edge.

For once, he felt as if he had some good luck on his side.

Then he had an idea (30-watt incandescent bulb and all). He ran back into his shed to make a call and gather his supplies.

… one week later ...

A new stand stood at the side of the road. It was something no one had seen before. The sign overhead read 'Koyote Fricasseed Chicken'. There was a few cars parked at the side of the road, and a few humans sitting up at the stand. They didn't seem to mind being served by a Coyote as long as the food was both good and reasonably cheap. For once, it was an endeavor that didn't explode in his face, plus it made him a lot of money he was using to pay back ACME for both supplies and processing tools. He even had a little ranch in the back for raising farm fresh eggs and chickens for his customers.

Much to his surprise, he noticed that the roadrunner was standing at the end of his counter next to a human man with a handlebar mustache and a small bowler hat. Scooting over to him, he set out a dish of chicken legs before the wide eyed bird with a sign that read 'FREE CHICKEN'. The roadrunner smiled and started pecking away, stripping off meat as he scarfed it down.

"I say," said the man, "why does he get free chicken?"

'Because,' signed the Coyote, 'he's my best customer.' Another sign read, 'and I owe him for 20 years of bird seed.'

"Oh," mused the man, "I suppose that would bother me too."

'I've given up on eating roadrunner' he signed, and then continued to the next sign, 'as this chicken racket is much more profitable'.

"I don't suppose you have something to drink besides water?"

'Uh, no'.

The roadrunner put out a beer.

"Oh, for me?" he asked.

The roadrunner nodded.

"Oh splendid, thank you."

'You wanna be my partner in business?' signed the Coyote to the roadrunner, and then signed 'I could use someone to run a drink concession.'

'That would be great' signed back the roadrunner.

'So where do you get your supplies?'

'Roadrunner Liquor.'

'I shouldn't be surprised, should I?'

**THE END?**


End file.
